You can agree with the labels or you can repel and deflect them! You can allow them to keep you bowed down, OR NOT!
In The Reminder: Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence, it is a lot about the gift of being able to point at yourself to perform a deep soul searching to become better, and not focus on the other people’s meanness and idiosyncrasies. After all you do not know what ails them, what truly torments them, or what demons plague them. You do not know how, when or where their agony and insecurities took over them. Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence says you will feel the weight of their behavior and how they treat you, but make a deliberate choice to use that weight to crush your own idiosyncrasies and grow on your path to gaining Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence.
Many times we find ourselves in situations where others treat us as though we are beneath them, and that we are not worth the ground that they walk on. We are not worth the room that they are in neither are we worth the air that they breathe. Our very presence annoys them, and when we speak, our words have no value to them. Our voice is meaningless, and our soul is worth nothing, as far as they are concerned. The emotional, mental and spiritual pain at such treatment can be phenomenal.
How should we react to such people? How should we respond? Should we respond at all? It crushes your soul to not hit back, to not tell them like it is, but instead respond with grace. In the spirit of The Reminder, in order for one to develop Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence, one must have a type of mindset. One that quietly and kindly deflects what others are doing to you. It is a disciplined quietly powerful mindset that wisely asks us to react differently from how we would typically and justifiably react in anger, in a tit for tat manner, when people have measured us and judged us according to their own standards and according to them we have fallen short of being treated with dignity. The mindset that the book advises goes thus.
If someone has the right to be cold, I have the right to be warm. If they have the right to hate, I have the right to love. If they have the right to be uncaring, then I have the right to be caring. ~The Reminder
I know it hurts, and it can be excruciating. Sometimes even I fall short of such a beautiful mindset. It is against our ordinary human nature; however, we can choose to be extraordinary, take the pounding, knowing deep within, that we are being crushed into becoming a beautiful person. If you choose to constantly respond negatively to others who treat you badly, then they have you under their control and you will become exactly what you did not want to become: their plaything. Behave oppositely to their expectations; perk up, be joyful, assist when you can, and let the ugly that’s been dished out roll gracefully off you. Now that is being in charge and in control.
In other words, you do not accept their abuse, but you allow their words and actions to penetrate just enough. You do not deny the pain they create inside you, but you take it and use it to force yourself to decipher what lessons are to be learned and how best you can personally grow from their myopic view of who you truly are. As you do so, one day, you will realize that the things that used to bother you, the things that made you so mad, the labels people put on you, the names they called you, the category they put you in, the stigma, stereotyping and prejudice and biases against you, that caused you so much pain and embarrassment, no longer hold power over you. They have been rendered ineffective; Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence has grown inside you. You have persevered and endured and have built in yourself a self-realization, solid character, and good temperament, which you continue to develop every day. You will find that you can genuinely laugh things off when others are taking a jab at you. You can still love yourself when others despise and reject you.
The gift and art of quiet power, peaceful confidence from within is not cheap. It does not happen overnight and true virtue, which comes from that, is deliberately nurtured; it is self-control at its highest. ~The Reminder
- Feel the pain and use it to self-discover and grow.
- Feel the pain but discipline yourself to deflect and not retaliate.
- Feel the pain but use it to thrive in love, kindness and patience.
- Feel the pain, but do not focus on who is causing it, instead use it, and zone in on coming to the consciousness of who you truly are and who you truly should be, your unique self!
Order Sonia Huh's book The Reminder